For five minutes i was staring blankly at the window, eyes straight at the afternoon skyline, not bothered by the noise of construction down below. There was actually nothing to see, nothing special nor interesting. Everything i see now from the 11th storey building was too insignificant. I went downstairs and take a walk and after 10 minutes I saw myself riding the train towards the city. But there's nowhere, no place in mind, maybe I'll just ride until the train reached the terminal where I will be forced to alight, and from there i can think of a certain place. Well, it didn't happen. After five stops, I went down. I stopped. And thought, what the hell is going on? What is the meaning of all these things? Why am I in this place and not somewhere else? How come I reached this point in life when I question everything that's going on. Is this the best of all the things that is supposed to happen, or is there anything else better? Questions multiply. Quarterlife crisis huh? Or midlife crisis. This is a pain in the butt.
I went out of the subway. Rain was pouring, like tears from heaven. It was too dark for a late afternoon. Gloomy and I'm not myself. Damn, this is nice, I couldn't go outside. So I head down towards the subway again. I passed by a bookstore. Now I have somewhere to go. Bookstore. The first section called "Philisophy" caught my eyes. Self-help books? Anger management? The meaning of life? God? deym again, this is too much to digest. After half an hour trying to look for books that will somehow help, I said, what's the point?? These books are words of someone else trying to take money from me and at the end of the book, everything still lies on me. Crap!
Well, I asked myself again, what is the meaning of everything that's going on. Hmmm, I don't know. I know I couldn't figure this maze out and there's no helping it. This life is too much for my impaired neurons to figure out. Oh well, I smiled while the next train is coming. I just hope time is on my side. Life will explain itself to me in time. And all of these things, it will conclude itself in a very brief meaning - life, just live it.
